extremes.

i love extremes.

i love thunderstorms and i love the blinding sun.

i love crying and i love laughing.

i love silence and i love music so loud you cant hear yourself think.

i love running and i love sitting.

i love feeling empty, having only ingested coffee and smoke and i love eating rich tasty treats till im full to the brim.

i love dancing till i cant move and i love laying and staring at the stars.

i love screaming the lyrics to my favorite songs and i love silently listening.

i love speeding down the highway with a legal intent to kill and i love walking.

i would tell you im bipolar.

and you would probably believe me.

if i ever told my psychiatrist the truth, he would tell me im bipolar.

and i would probably believe him.

it probably wouldnt surprise you if i told you i love the manic moments.

when i could stare at a tree for hours just appreciating how beautiful it is.

when i could talk for hours, and listen for hours, and laugh with anyone.

when i love whoever that person is, because theyre happy, and theyre listening to me, and they love me, and theyre sharing theirself with me.

when i am excited for everything that has happened, and everything that will happen.

(life. love. him. him too. closeness. distance. old times. new times. old friends. new, almost, friends. possibilities. boundaries. naivety. realization. carefree. pragmatic. normalcy. novelty. constraints. independence. addiction. courage. deterioration. growth. closure. loose ends. need. want. suppression. admission. ease. struggle.)

when i know things will be bad, but its all still beautiful, and right now things are wonderful.

but would it surprise you if i told you i love the tragic times too?

when i could sit in the laundry room and cry for hours, no idea how much time has passed.

when i contemplate the number of ways i could escape.

when i remember what happened before, how it could happen again, how it could never happen again, and how much it hurts.

when i think to myself about how much i miss it.

(life. love. him. him too. closeness. distance. old times. new times. old friends. new, almost, friends. possibilities. boundaries. naivety. realization. carefree. pragmatic. normalcy. novelty. constraints. independence. addiction. courage. deterioration. growth. closure. loose ends. need. want. suppression. admission. ease. struggle.)

when i know things are bad, but its all still beautiful, and at some point things will be wonderful.

i would tell you im bipolar.

and you would probably believe me.

if i ever told my psychiatrist the truth, he would tell me im bipolar.

and i would probably believe him.

but if i ever told my psychiatrist the truth, he would take my extremes from me.

and i love them.