drown.

breathe. breathe. breathe. the water seeps into my ears, trying to coax me into letting it take that last step into my lungs. i fucking cant breathe, you fucking water, ill drown. dont you get that? and with that i burst through the surface, gulping down every last breath.

the current swam through my toes as if to seduce me. and i remembered matthew. his feet played with mine the same way he played with my emotions. i would still tell you he loved me. but some may beg to differ. and i would still tell you i loved him. but he may beg to differ.

and he may be right. maybe i dont love anyone. maybe i just wallow in my grief. and maybe i dont love anything at all. maybe i just need. need. need. but i would still tell you i loved him, i would tell you i still do.

and with that i sunk back into the water, holding on tight to the air i had so greedily inhaled. the water pushed at my chest. it wanted me to let it take that last step, not to my lungs, but to my heart. and i would tell you the water loved me. but some may beg to differ. the weight of the water made my heart pound in the same way as the boy with his hands still on my heartstrings. they both made it so hard to breathe.

i never wanted to know what it really meant to be alone.

youre not alone. the water whispered into my ear.

i love you.

i love you too.

and i took a breath. letting the water take that last step.

and i lived.